I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
