She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
