the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
