my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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