I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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