If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
