My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
