You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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