This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
