She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
