are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
either way he was missing a nipple.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
