I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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