Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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