I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
