standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
