At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
