Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
