Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
