If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
