Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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