the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
