You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
