Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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