I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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