The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
