YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You dont lie about slip and slides
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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