I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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