Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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