Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
