you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Life is so much better after having sex.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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