I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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