Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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