I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
