it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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