And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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