Barsexuality is the new black.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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