my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
