Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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