Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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