if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
