Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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