I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
