I cockslap morals
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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