In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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