I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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