my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
