Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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