She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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