I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
