Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
