just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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