It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
