i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
